It was Ralph Waldo Emerson who wrote, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” Not only is this statement extremely true, it also is extremely worrying to me when I consider the current state of the social skills that many children with autism lack. It is imperative that as parents, family members, and therapists we work on skills for how to be a friend.
This is guidance that we give our typically developing children without a thought. Playdates are arranged, birthday parties are thrown, and outings are planned; all of which lead to valuable experience that teach children how to share, how to help someone when they’re in need, how to understand both verbal and nonverbal communication, and what they do and don’t like in friends.
Many times in the midst of over-scheduled days, it is easy to ignore these social needs. More often that not, other things may be at work to prevent you from scheduling certain activities for your child with Autism Spectrum Disorder: fear that if you throw a birthday party no one will come, embarrassment that when you arrange a playdate your child sits in the corner playing alone or throws a massive tantrum, or simply a feeling of being completely overwhelmed by all that could go wrong in presenting a new situation to your child.
However, people (especially kids) love to go to birthday parties with their temptations of delicious foods and fun games, typically developing children throw tantrums or play alone sometimes without it preventing them from opportunity for future social interactions, and children (especially children with Autism Spectrum Disorder) must be exposed to new situations repeatedly in order to gain an understanding of how to function in a variety of places with a variety of people.
Below are some ideas to get you started. Each of the items detailed below are typical, childhood things that we have all done. But they are frequently left out of the life experience of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
•Arrange playdates for your young children.
•Have a birthday party or a sleepover.
• Plan your own fun excursions.
• Introduce your child to regular activities that pertain to his/her natural interests.
• Let your child be the leader.
• Allow your child to get a small job.
• Talk about friendships with your child.
• Work to find the best possible fit for your child.
Let me emphasize once more that all of the ideas listed above are typical to childhood, but are frequently neglected to the detriment of many children with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Maybe, as a society, we are somewhat guilty of trying too hard to think outside of the box for helping our children. What might just be better is doing what you always imagined you’d do as parents, but with necessary accommodations for each child’s needs. If you want your child to have friends, you must teach him how to be a friend, which can only be done by giving him plenty of opportunities to learn.
 |
||
 |
|
|
